A Journal Entry: Katherine Smith

A Journal Entry From Katherine Smith, Notre Dame

"When You’ve Been Seeking His Plan for Your Life but you just can’t seem to find it.

            My heart is full and my energy is living because I just really love Jesus and want to see more of Him in everyone I meet. I’ve been asking for His plan for me for a long time now. I earnestly and actively have been seeking His will and His way. The journey has been fruitful – it has taught me rest, patience, and forgiveness. But I do admit that I am frustrated and just so ready to hear His voice or get some small glimpse of His plan for me. But, again, that’s not the way He works. While pouring over my Bible in tears of frustration, God put these thoughts into my head:

            I do not want His plan for my life, I want Him to be the plan for my life.

            I do not want His will for me, I want my life to be His will.

            I do not want Him fueling my desires, but rather to be my desire.

            He works in me so that I can have hope enough to reach out to Him – not because He needs me or because of any talent I have. I do not need Him to instill in me a hope for the future – He is the hope of my future; my future in Heaven alongside Jesus continually in worship and awe of His unending faithfulness and love.

            My treasure is not in His will, but rather in Him. And of course His will, purpose, dreams, and desires are all good and what I chase hard after, but it’s not about the plan or the action – it’s about the Man behind them.

            And that is why we rest. Because we are so caught up in the acting-out of Christianity we forget about Christ. He isn’t trying to teach me some new great thing, but rather the same truth I’ve known all my life:

ALL IS CHRIST.

Matthew 11 says, “I praise you, Father, Lord of Heaven and earth, because You have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure…come to ME, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”       

He commands us to continue taking His yolk because life with Jesus doesn’t mean he is relieving us from evil or pain or suffering – but rather that we are joining in all of it, even carrying it, but with renewed and otherworldly strength.

Take His yolk. Pick it up and give thanks for it. It’s the most restful way to walk this earth. God doesn’t say in this verse to walk to a certain place. You might not know where you are going. Just bear the burden alongside Him and choose to do it with joy. He is gentle and humble and what other kind of companion would you want to carry heavy things and understand sadness and hear hard stories with?

I love that this verse says he reveals these things to children, the most innocent and opportunity-filled beings on the planet. It reminds me of what my dad always tells me, “keep your mind big but don’t lose your innocent heart.”

To live a life full of Him, I have to get rid of me. Enough of my selfishness, my plans, my dreams. 1st Thessalonians 4:11-12 says, “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands…”

Again, it’s so not about me. All is Christ.

All is Christ and I am a Child of God and that’s all I really know about truth. And if God doesn’t reveal His plan to me but instead shows me that His plan for me is to simply be like Him – how good and perfect is He in my eyes! I don’t think He will show me the road I am supposed to walk, but He tells me He will walk it with me. I am not walking towards Eternity, but IN Eternity.

So, my faithful Jesus, let this life you’ve given me be taken from me, again. I really don’t want me – I want You. I’m terrified and excited at the same time, but that’s how all good adventures are. And I can’t wait to glimpse more of You each day, no matter where You put me. All I know is that ALL IS CHRIST.

To live is to die, to die is to gain. "

-Katherine Smith University of Notre Dame '19